pray until something happens.
bah. i really wish that i was more patient with prayer. being back at school i have been praying for a lot of things. i was talking to my roommate the other night and we were talking about prayer and i realized that i have neglected to pray for myself. i was so wrapped up in praying for other people that i completely forgot about praying for myself.
it is myself that i really should be praying for.
but i'm impatient with prayer. i pray about things and i just want it to happen right away. i feel like im praying for the right stuff to happen so sometimes i catch myself saying "okay God, any day now." i grow impatient when i should just be still and wait upon the Lord. sooo hard to do. i really wish it wasn't that difficult but it is. and i hate it. straight up.
i want a lot of things to happen but i think i just need to pray for my patience with it. sigh.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Thursday, August 19, 2010
summer 2010
wow. summer is over. it seriously just felt like yesterday that it began. i began my summer going down to KC to visit my roommate right before i had to start volunteering/working for the shelter. and now it's over.
my heart has been changed though.
i can't express to you how much of an amazing experience i had at that shelter. today was my last day and i thought it would just be a piece of cake to be able to leave. i had my mind on getting off early so i could finish up some gs and some packing.. but God showed me where my heart should have been at the beginning of the day. it was incredibly hard leaving those ladies. i never thought i would get so attached. i never thought i would leave half of my heart with that place.
ugh. when i left i started crying in my car because i felt like i was just another person abandoning them in their life. one of my closest ladies there took it really hard because she def looked up to me. i gave her a lot of spiritual guidance this summer along with God helping me. i hope it has helped her out because i know that it def made me stronger in my faith. my heart just broke when i had to say good bye to her. it was probably the hardest goodbye i have ever had to go through. it was rough.
half of my heart was left at that shelter with those ladies and i dont think i could ever ask for a better place for it to be. usually i am very protective of my heart and who i share it with because i dont want people to be careless with it but that has def. changed this summer.
it is my prayer that the ladies continue on their spiritual walk with Christ and to the ladies that haven't found Him yet, it is my continual prayer that they will run into his awaiting arms.
feed the hungry. clothe the poor. shelter the homeless. and lead them to Christ.
ps. thank you Kristi for your encouraging text. it meant a lot to me! :)
my heart has been changed though.
i can't express to you how much of an amazing experience i had at that shelter. today was my last day and i thought it would just be a piece of cake to be able to leave. i had my mind on getting off early so i could finish up some gs and some packing.. but God showed me where my heart should have been at the beginning of the day. it was incredibly hard leaving those ladies. i never thought i would get so attached. i never thought i would leave half of my heart with that place.
ugh. when i left i started crying in my car because i felt like i was just another person abandoning them in their life. one of my closest ladies there took it really hard because she def looked up to me. i gave her a lot of spiritual guidance this summer along with God helping me. i hope it has helped her out because i know that it def made me stronger in my faith. my heart just broke when i had to say good bye to her. it was probably the hardest goodbye i have ever had to go through. it was rough.
half of my heart was left at that shelter with those ladies and i dont think i could ever ask for a better place for it to be. usually i am very protective of my heart and who i share it with because i dont want people to be careless with it but that has def. changed this summer.
it is my prayer that the ladies continue on their spiritual walk with Christ and to the ladies that haven't found Him yet, it is my continual prayer that they will run into his awaiting arms.
feed the hungry. clothe the poor. shelter the homeless. and lead them to Christ.
ps. thank you Kristi for your encouraging text. it meant a lot to me! :)
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
time flies when you're having fun.
so. as i sit and stare at my GS homework i see that a majority of it is writing what i have learned from my experience. that is an easy question but hard all at the same time. i can say that i have learned a lot because i have but its hard for me to put it into words how much i did learn because of the fact that my heart has gone through some major changes this summer.
it can't really decipher what i learned at the shelter vs. what God has taught me through various occurrences this summer. i think it is because it is pretty over whelming for me to think about so it's difficult for me to write it out. i need time to process it all but time is def. not on my side right now. i was hoping by writing this blog that maybe i could figure some stuff out. but yet again, i am at a loss for words.
i started off my summer having 2 main goals. learning what true forgiveness is and to work on being a better friend. through devotions and time at the shelter, i have learned what true forgiveness really is. (i think). so check that off my list. but i am still processing whether i have learned to become a better friend. i guess time can only tell. but i would love to be able to cross that off my list also but who knows if that will ever happen because being a friend is harder then it looks. haha.
alright, well, i guess that is enough babbling for now because all i am doing is procrastinating. better get on the million of things i have yet to do.
it can't really decipher what i learned at the shelter vs. what God has taught me through various occurrences this summer. i think it is because it is pretty over whelming for me to think about so it's difficult for me to write it out. i need time to process it all but time is def. not on my side right now. i was hoping by writing this blog that maybe i could figure some stuff out. but yet again, i am at a loss for words.
i started off my summer having 2 main goals. learning what true forgiveness is and to work on being a better friend. through devotions and time at the shelter, i have learned what true forgiveness really is. (i think). so check that off my list. but i am still processing whether i have learned to become a better friend. i guess time can only tell. but i would love to be able to cross that off my list also but who knows if that will ever happen because being a friend is harder then it looks. haha.
alright, well, i guess that is enough babbling for now because all i am doing is procrastinating. better get on the million of things i have yet to do.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
feed the hungry. clothe the poor. shelter the homeless. lead them to Christ.
it's funny how an encouraging word can make your day or week seem 10x better and how much it warms your heart.
if some of you don't know, i have been working at a women's and children's shelter this summer. it started off with me volunteering to just get volunteer hours for GS. kind of just wanted to get it over. they ended up hiring me and at first my thoughts were like okay, whatever, i need some money so why not? working at this shelter has opened my eyes and also my heart to things that i have never seen, heard, felt, the list goes on and on.
one thing with working at a homeless shelter, you just never know what each day is going to bring. a lady may check in during the morning hours and check out the same night. i thought that would be unusual but it has happened a lot. i started a bible study with these women hoping to be able to see a part of their heart. turns out, these women are very angry with God and really don't want anything to do with Him, which was a challenge i have had to face and am still facing. i have women tell me on a daily basis that God doesn't exist and that if He did, why was she homeless? why were her kids sexually abused by their father? why did their mom kick them out on the street just because they got pregnant at a young age? WHY? WHY? WHY? and if He does exist, prove it, prove that the theory of evolution doesn't exist. being asked these questions, i have been challenged because I know that i could not answer these questions on my own, i had to be filled with the Holy Spirit. I would do my best to answer their questions and prayed that the words that i had spoken were doused with the Spirit.
With some of these ladies, i got to see the change, i got to see them devote their life to Chirst but sadly, others i didn't. every time a women would walk out that door and I knew they didn't believe in God, i would ask God that if the words that I had told them about our Lord and Savior, made a difference? Did it really plant a seed or did it go in one ear and out the other? Are they going to eventually devote their life to You? What's going to happen now? A lot of these ladies that have left have taken a piece of my heart with them, i did my best to show them my heart and to show them how amazing God really is. Some of the ladies I started out with are still there today and they definitely have a piece or 2 of my heart, which will be the reason why it will be tough to leave them to go back to college.
Anyway, with all these questions i had been asking about myself, whether i was making a difference in these ladies life or not, it definitely got answered today. I was sitting in the office looking up some bible verses for a particular lady, when another one of my ladies (who was is the process of packing up to leave with her 3 children) came into the office and sat down and wanted to talk to me one on one. She was like "Katie, i just really want to thank you for how nice you have been while I have been here. You have never once treated any of these ladies, myself included, that we were lesser then you just because we were homeless. You have always treated us with respect and made me feel like i still had some dignity and that I wasnt a bad mother just because I couldn't provide my children with a home of our own. You have really impacted my life and I thank God that you were here this summer. Thank you." When she was saying this I got tears in my eyes, but didn't cry. I was speechless. I didn't know what else to say but thanks. I wanted to say something more profound but all i could say was thank you and that I would continue praying for her.
If there is no other woman that comes up to me and says that and if I don't ever find out how much of an impact I have had on these women's life, today was well worth it. God used her to answer my prayers to show me how I had been doing this summer. Not that I was desperate for an answer, I just wanted to know if what i was doing there was worth it to these women, if i was leading them to Christ.
I pray that I have done my best to show these women who Christ is and how amazing our God is, even though they are not in the best of situations in their life. A huge piece of my heart will be left with this shelter when I leave there next week and I am just fine with that. I am leaving some of my heart there because I love every single woman there and those that have come and gone. It is my prayer that they have found Christ and will continue to follow Him.
Remember God is Love.
if some of you don't know, i have been working at a women's and children's shelter this summer. it started off with me volunteering to just get volunteer hours for GS. kind of just wanted to get it over. they ended up hiring me and at first my thoughts were like okay, whatever, i need some money so why not? working at this shelter has opened my eyes and also my heart to things that i have never seen, heard, felt, the list goes on and on.
one thing with working at a homeless shelter, you just never know what each day is going to bring. a lady may check in during the morning hours and check out the same night. i thought that would be unusual but it has happened a lot. i started a bible study with these women hoping to be able to see a part of their heart. turns out, these women are very angry with God and really don't want anything to do with Him, which was a challenge i have had to face and am still facing. i have women tell me on a daily basis that God doesn't exist and that if He did, why was she homeless? why were her kids sexually abused by their father? why did their mom kick them out on the street just because they got pregnant at a young age? WHY? WHY? WHY? and if He does exist, prove it, prove that the theory of evolution doesn't exist. being asked these questions, i have been challenged because I know that i could not answer these questions on my own, i had to be filled with the Holy Spirit. I would do my best to answer their questions and prayed that the words that i had spoken were doused with the Spirit.
With some of these ladies, i got to see the change, i got to see them devote their life to Chirst but sadly, others i didn't. every time a women would walk out that door and I knew they didn't believe in God, i would ask God that if the words that I had told them about our Lord and Savior, made a difference? Did it really plant a seed or did it go in one ear and out the other? Are they going to eventually devote their life to You? What's going to happen now? A lot of these ladies that have left have taken a piece of my heart with them, i did my best to show them my heart and to show them how amazing God really is. Some of the ladies I started out with are still there today and they definitely have a piece or 2 of my heart, which will be the reason why it will be tough to leave them to go back to college.
Anyway, with all these questions i had been asking about myself, whether i was making a difference in these ladies life or not, it definitely got answered today. I was sitting in the office looking up some bible verses for a particular lady, when another one of my ladies (who was is the process of packing up to leave with her 3 children) came into the office and sat down and wanted to talk to me one on one. She was like "Katie, i just really want to thank you for how nice you have been while I have been here. You have never once treated any of these ladies, myself included, that we were lesser then you just because we were homeless. You have always treated us with respect and made me feel like i still had some dignity and that I wasnt a bad mother just because I couldn't provide my children with a home of our own. You have really impacted my life and I thank God that you were here this summer. Thank you." When she was saying this I got tears in my eyes, but didn't cry. I was speechless. I didn't know what else to say but thanks. I wanted to say something more profound but all i could say was thank you and that I would continue praying for her.
If there is no other woman that comes up to me and says that and if I don't ever find out how much of an impact I have had on these women's life, today was well worth it. God used her to answer my prayers to show me how I had been doing this summer. Not that I was desperate for an answer, I just wanted to know if what i was doing there was worth it to these women, if i was leading them to Christ.
I pray that I have done my best to show these women who Christ is and how amazing our God is, even though they are not in the best of situations in their life. A huge piece of my heart will be left with this shelter when I leave there next week and I am just fine with that. I am leaving some of my heart there because I love every single woman there and those that have come and gone. It is my prayer that they have found Christ and will continue to follow Him.
Remember God is Love.
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