.lost.

have you ever been in a dark room that was soooo dark that you couldn't see your finger if you held it out in front of you?

for me, darkness can be deafening, even if there is chaos going on around me. these past couple of days at work, it has been complete chaos. the shelter is getting full and right now we have 12 children that are all under the age of 5. let the madness commence.

although it has been pretty chaotic, i find myself in a dark room where i can't see my finger in front of me and it is deafening. I've been in darkness before and i have been lost in my spiritual walk but this time i don't really know how to turn the light back on. i'm searching this room for the light switch but i keep running into things and none of them are the light switch that i am so desperately trying to find.

so, i'm wandering around in this chaotic mess of mine, in the dark and there is no light switch to be found. am i just not looking hard enough? or am i in a room that has no light switch. do i need to find another path to a different room that has one? if so, where is this path to the next room? i need to find light.

i'm lost. but for now i feel comfortable in this darkness. i've found a little niche to hide in. some days i get up and i look for the light switch but it's never there so i cozy back into my little niche.

i don't know why. i should be searching or i should be turning to the only One that can turn the light on for me without trying to find it. I know He is there waiting. but for some reason the darkness has consumed me and it has become comfortable.

so am i lost? or am i just comfortable?