To say that 2010 was one of ups-and-downs, would be like saying Facebook is 'kind of' popular. All the downs though definitely had their purpose so with that, I close this chapter of my life with hope for an enlightening 2011.
The only thing that could scare me more than the unknowns of 2011, would be to think that a year has passed in which I haven't learned anything.
So here are a few things that have finally started to "sink in" with me this past year:
We will always be let down when we idolize others. I've learned about the dangers of holding people in our lives to a higher standard than ourselves or others, so that when they demonstrate a flaw (which they always, always will) we have only set ourselves up for disappointment. However, it is even more disappointing to see someone stumble when we have put them on a pedestal, assuming that they owe us to be perfect in all aspects of life.
We tend to forget that we will all stumble and fall at some point, and we will need the help of others to pick us up along the way.
Unfortunately, I have only recently started to lean on Faith, and I have to remind myself that if God can forgive my sins and flaws over and over again, than I must strive to forgive others as well. Even more importantly, I have to remember not to pass judgment on other people. I am a hypocrite on a daily basis I suppose, because I struggle every single day with passing judgment on other people. Then I think about what people would find if they looked at my life under a microscope and honestly, it would not be pretty.
I've also learned that sometimes I just need to shut up. I have the bad habit of just lashing out on the people I love and don't deserve it or say something that I inevitably regret and then have to suck up my pride and apologize. Getting control of the tongue and realize that some things I say are very hurtful to the most important people in my life is what I will strive for on a daily basis.
Worrying about what people think is human nature. People who say they "don't care what people think" are probably lying, myself included. I've decided to live my life to make only God, my family, and closest friends proud and in that very order. I think I would be pretty humiliated if God pulled out a list of my rude comments that seemed funny at the time. Believe me, I still think about what I want to say to certain people and because I'm human, there are multiple people that I would like to catch in a dark alley, but I am learning to internalize those thoughts for now. Eventually the act of avoiding judgment should become a habit and my spirit won't be full of bitterness and sadness. The fact is, my opinion of someone else isn't going to change anything, despite what I have always believed. Another resolution? Live and let live.
A huge part of my life that needs some improvement is my appreciation. Sometimes I hear myself complaining about things like my food being under or over cooked, not having a bigger car (when my parents got me a brand new one last summer), or some other meaningless crap. I have to remind myself to stop and look around, and think that there are people in the world with no food, with no home, with no family.
It's easy to assume the grass must be greener on the other side but no one's life is better than your own. Ever. And if it is, no one says it has to be permanent.
Life is not going to slow down for me to catch up, and it isn't going to get easier. But I can't control the rest of the world, and I can't control what happens to me. I can only control my actions and my words. Hopefully, in 2011, my actions and my words will reflect Christ a lot more.
Bring on the New Year!
Remember, God is love.