Monday, May 24, 2010
ahh, satan, what a bitch. i wanted to start out in a more profound way but that is just how i feel right now. he is soo annoying. it always surprises me when i hear people say that satan doesn't effect their life. are you guys being serious? maybe it it just me but he loves to kick me when i'm down. and he just keeps kicking and hitting and jabbing me until i can't stand it anymore. you would think when i am getting the crap beat out of me by him is when i would cry out to God for help and sometimes i do but sometimes i feel as if i like being stuck in that beating. do i like being stuck there? as weird as it sounds sometimes it is just uber comfortable sitting there and taking that beating. sometimes i don't even realize when he his well at work on my heart. i think it is when i finally realize that he is sitting there kicking me that i begin to feel as angry as i do at him and sometimes at God even though i'm not a big supporter of being angry at God. i know we are human and of course we are going to be angry at him, i just hate when i am because He knows what is best for me, he has my life planned out so, why be mad? i just keep reminding myself that God is right there next to me wanting to help me up. it is these times where i take comfort in the fact that He can just hold me in His arms and tell me everything is fine. i don't like the feeling of doubting him, though, when He does tell me that everything is going to be alright but i know that doubt is satan. why doesn't he just go away? i would love to live a day and not have to deal with satan playing these games in my head and in my heart. my friends, today i ask you to pray for the the strength that i need right now and that God can wage this war for me. i just need to give it to him but sometimes i feel like can kick satan's ass by myself but wow, am i wrong. i'm sorry for such a downer blog post but thats what satan can do to ya when he is well at work on your heart. regardless, always remember God is love.